I’m one of the many women who were discovered as “gifted” during childhood. I did well, socially included – most of the time through completing my undergraduate work. I’m a mother of a 13 year gifted son. All of my ex-husbands and some of my other romantic partners are adult gifted men. Some hate that term, especially as a label, others like it. I think I feel a bit like maybe I’m underachieving as an adult – I did not have that problem in childhood, etc…My Dad was a professor and my mother was a teacher who turned into a Head Mistress of a school. My father always said my mom had leadership ability and seemed insecure about being loved.

When I was 9, my best friends often told me I was “weird, but in a good way” except for the blonde girl who now teaches Phsysics in Toronto, Canada. She never thought I was that strange. Last month I got Luna Lovegood rather than Hermiane for my Happy Potter character – which surprised me, and not surprisingly my latest lover-man recently told me he sometimes dislikes my pronounced analytical thinking…He’s the jock – a smart but nutty jock, the computer programmer never called me over-analytical but he is very touchy about the word “gifted”. The smart women I know who are lawyers don’t have exactly the same problem because their job and paycheck validates that they are smart girls all grown up now, but they have other earmarks of what its like for women.

What I’ve come to see over time, and with help, is that I’m insightful and intelligent and have a way with words. If I disrupt people or disturb them, it’s because I see things they don’t and comment on things people deny or don’t see. I have an atypical job (musician) and live a lifestyle that does not correspond to marriage, family, a full-time job, and a suburban home. As such, I’m not subject to groupthink or into defending pillars of mainstream America simply because I participate in them. I look at all that from the viewpoint of an outsider.

Usually people are eager to hear my analysis and comments about anyone other than themselves, and I’ve been complimented on my ability to accurately describe people and states of mind. I also have ways to make people laugh with amusing commentary (it’s my bidness, after all).

But when I turn my focus on them, I become weird, stupid, without perspective, lacking compassion, overanalytical, hypercritical, even hallucinating. It’s interesting to see.

I also realize that I can absorb written material many times faster than others, and I always get the punchline of a joke first. I’ve been told that I notice things no one else notices, that I “ask too many questions” and that people have difficulty following me as I “overanalyze” everything.

I’m also musically gifted and have a knack for picking up languages and accents. Just being able to play music for a living sets you apart from others.

None of this helps integrate me into typical social encounters, but I’ve learned to regulate it–and be silent. That’s not a “gift”–that’s the wisdom that comes with age.

A lot of people ask me what the value of being labelled ‘gifted’. I think this article demonstrates the point: for people who have spent a lifetime standing on the outside, there is some comfort in understanding why. Also, once people know they’re gifted, they’re less likely to believe that there’s something intrinsically wrong with them. I wonder how many gifted people don’t know they’re gifted and just think they’re weird?