Gifted and talented but with insecurity and low self esteem
Even people with exceptional talents can feel insecure and struggle with developing healthy self-esteem.
Meryl Streep, for example, has said, “I have varying degrees of confidence and self-loathing…. You can have a perfectly horrible day where you doubt your talent… Or that you’re boring and they’re going to find out that you don’t know what you’re doing.” [From my article Being Creative and Self-critical.]
John Lennon once said, “Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”
[From post Elaine Aron on our emotional challenges.]
A British newspaper article says Helen Mirren “has talked of how insecure she has felt nearly all her life.”
And said “I still get insecure.” [Helen Mirren: off the wall, by Lucy Cavendish, The Telegraph telegraph.co.uk 20 Jan 2008]
Mirren also said in her memoir that she “went to a shrink once. When I was about twenty-three I was very unhappy and, yes, self-obsessed and insecure.” From post Helen Mirren on miserable self obsession.
“Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew, I’d fill it, and I’d be on my way.” From post Shia LaBeouf on fame and meaning and insecurity
LaBeouf, by the way, was accepted to Yale University but declined, saying that he is “getting the kind of education you don’t get at school.”
Hilary Swank spent her childhood in a trailer park and has said, “I was a troubled kid. I felt like an outsider. I didn’t feel like I belonged, especially in the classroom. I just wish that I would have been more secure.”
Will Smith admits, “I still doubt myself every single day.
“What people believe is my self-confidence is actually my reaction to fear.” [From post The Self-Esteem Supercharger.]
John Lennon and self esteem
Writer Larry Kane commented about his bio Lennon Revealed: “People would be surprised at how insecure John Lennon was, and his lack of self esteem.
“Throughout his life, even during the height of Beatle mania, he had poor self esteem, even though he exuded confidence.”
Self esteem is positive self-regard, a realistic acknowledgment of your talents and value as a person.
Maybe it is the primary antidote we can have to insecurity.
Authentic esteem is not the superficial efforts over recent years to make all children in school feel they are “special” – with high [often bloated] self-esteem falsely nurtured by school administrators who say things like “We don’t want anyone to feel left out, so everyone wins a spelling bee award” or “The valedictorian will be chosen by lottery.”
Many gifted and talented people feel insecure
Psychologist Roy F. Baumeister, PhD [in his article: The Lowdown on High Self-Esteem] notes that people with inflated high self-esteem “think they make better impressions, have stronger friendships and better romantic lives.. but the data don’t support their self-flattering views.”
But many gifted and talented people suffer at times from a lack of healthy self esteem.
Another example: Nobel Prize laureate poet and writer Czeslaw Milosz confessed: “From early on writing for me has been a way to overcome my real or imagined worthlessness.”
Stephanie S. Tolan – co-author of the book Guiding the Gifted Child – finds that “Many gifted adults seem to know very little about their minds and how they differ from more ‘ordinary’ minds. The result of this lack of self-knowledge is often low, sometimes cripplingly low self esteem.” [From her article Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem and the Gifted Adult.]
Marilyn J. Sorensen, PhD, author of the book Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem, says “People with low self-esteem generally find themselves at one of the extremes of achievement, either as an overachiever or as an underachiever.
“Some take the road of continually channeling their energies into attempts to receive recognition, approval, and affirmation, and become highly successful in their careers and educational endeavors; they are driven; they are ‘overachievers.’ Others slink back in fear, never realizing their skills or talents.”
Pursuing healthy esteem
So how to counteract and change unhealthy self esteem?
A start is to honestly recognize your abilities and accomplishments, without qualifying or deflating them, as in “Oh, anyone could do that.”
Another effective approach is the cognitive therapy strategy of getting aware of demeaning statements – especially automatic thoughts – you make about yourself (or accept from others), such as “I’m no good at doing that…” – then arguing the logic, validity, merits and faults of the statement, such as: “Well, maybe I am not as skilled as whoever.. but I have been told my work is good and I can get better if I choose to work at it.”
Overcoming impostor feelings
Also related to insecurity is the reaction that a number of talented actors and other people talk about: feeling oneself to be an “impostor.”
Research into this impostor phenomenon or syndrome began with the work of psychotherapists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, who found many women with notable achievements also had high levels of self-doubt which could not be equated with self-esteem, anxiety, or other traits, and seemed to involve a deep sense of inauthenticity and an inability to internalize their successes.
They often had the belief they were “fooling” other people, were “faking it” or getting by from having the right contacts or just being “lucky.” Many held a belief they would be exposed as frauds or fakes. [From my article Gifted Women: Identity and Expression.]
Not just lack of confidence
Dr. Valerie Young has written about the topic for years, and explains “The Impostor Syndrome goes beyond lack of confidence. Everyone experiences bouts of self-doubt from time to time and especially when attempting something new.
“But for impostors self-doubt is chronic. You can feel self-doubt without experiencing shame at performing poorly as impostor do.
“It’s also possible to doubt your abilities without believing that you ultimately succeeded because of some sleight of hand or that you are fooling others.
“A person could have normal jitters before, say getting up to give their first speech, do well, and then draw from this experience to feel more confident about the next time.
“The impostor doesn’t think this way. Because no matter how well you did or how loud the applause, you always think you could have done better or that you just had a ‘good audience’ with no real bump in confidence.”
Our mindset
She notes that “Twenty years of well documented research by leading expert in motivation and personality psychology Carol Dweck and author of my new favorite book Mindset, confirms what I’ve been saying for years.
“Namely that for better or for worse, your perceptions of what it takes to be competent, has a powerful impact on how you measure yourself and therefore how you approach achievement itself.”
Dr. Young adds, “This kind of chronic self-doubt robs you of your successes and ultimately your own happiness and fulfillment.”
She has developed an ebook program to deal with the Impostor Syndrome titled
How to Feel As Bright and Capable As Everyone Seems to Think You Are.
More resources:
Self-esteem / self concept resources
Self concept / self esteem articles
Related post: Exceptional, gifted adults without enough positive self-regard.
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