Celebrating giftedness: You may be gifted – get over it

Not settling for underachievement

We may not have realized all or even many of the promises of our identity as a gifted kid, and through circumstance or suppression left talents unmanifested or unspoken.

But that doesn’t mean we have lost that aspect of who we are.

You can learn more about the traits that gifted people have, and stop denying your high abilities – accepting and celebrating who you really are.

But you may have to “get over” aversions you have to allowing yourself to be different and exceptional.

The challenge to accept our superiority

M. Scott Peck has noted, “Many who are truly superior.. are reluctant to consider themselves ‘better than’ or ‘above’ others, in large part because a sense of humility accompanies their personal and spiritual power.”

In his book “The Road Less Traveled and Beyond” he describes his interview with a young woman: “‘I don’t want to be a whiner’ [she said]. ‘Then you’ll need to learn how to accept your superiority’ I retorted. ‘My what? What do you mean?’

“Jane was dumbfounded. ‘I’m not superior.’ ‘All your complaints [I said] – your whining, if you will – center around your probably accurate assessment that your dates aren’t as smart as you, your professors aren’t as humble as you, and your fellow students aren’t as interesting as you.’”

[From my article Gifted Women: Identity and Expression.]

[Photo: Winona Ryder as Jo in film Little Women.]

Our different drummer

In her post [with a great title] Is Your Different Drummer Insane or Are You A Gifted Adult?, Laura Young comments about the value of the book The Gifted Adult by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen, and asks about gifted children: “Where did all those kids go?. What happened to them once they hit adulthood?

“Well, it turns out, a lot of them have felt a bit out of step with their peers and have been fluctuating between trying to force themselves to be normal by shutting themselves down and berating themselves (“But everyone else seems so happy. What’s wrong with me?”) and not giving a rip (“Screw it. I’m the smartest one here. Too bad I’m not smart enough to hide it. Fire me, go ahead, this place is whacked anyway.”)

“In short, that leaves a lot of people (Jacobsen estimates between 5-10% of the population) feeling lonely, confused, wracked with self-doubt, irritable, questioning, stalled, inconsistent, frustrated and wondering if the drummer they have been desperately trying to march to is, well, insane.”

A rose by any other name

The term “gifted” of course has a lot of baggage, and exceptional people do often get negative reactions from other people, as I mention in my post Do gifted and talented people get appreciated and supported?

But some people have learned to “get over” wishing they were “normal” and accept they are… whatever they are, whether they may want to be called “gifted” or not.

Too passionate?

Actor Richard E. Grant once commented, “You only learn about yourself, it seems, from how other people react… From the get go I’ve been accused of asking too many questions and being too passionate and extreme about what I like or what I don’t like.

“It’s like gorgonzola cheese – I’m probably an acquired taste! You know, I’m right in there. And it’s not something that I really have control over so much as just that that’s, you know, the DNA of my personality.”

And Jodie Foster admits, “I have this incredibly passionate feeling about what I do that can make me annoying, and I recognize it.

“Sometimes, I’ll talk about a movie I’ve seen, and then I’ll start seeing foam coming out of my mouth. I go, And then they did this and they did that! People ask me if I could just lighten up a little bit.”

[From the page Giftedness characteristics.]

Am I really gifted?

Dr. Mary-Elaine Jacobsen notes in her book The Gifted Adult, “When many of us hear the word gifted we almost always think two things: (1) Only schoolchildren are gifted and (2) Since I’m not a child, I can’t be gifted.”

“These automatic responses are understandable given what most of us have been told about bright people. But most of what we have been told is radically incorrect and enormously incomplete.”

The book has a number of questions that can affirm whether you are likely to be gifted:

She prefaces the list with: “Choose all of those statements that best describe the way you experience the world. Please keep in mind that Everyday Geniuses tend to undervalue their own abilities.”

I have always had an insatiable curiosity.

I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.

I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.

I tend to be very independent.

I tend to be less motivated than others are by rewards, bonuses, and praise.

At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.

My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.

I like to refine and improve others’ innovations.

I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.        [continued]

See more on the page: Self-tests: giftedness / high ability.

Stephanie S. Tolan points out in her article Self-Knowledge, Self-Esteem and the Gifted Adult that self-identification as a gifted adult “is complicated by the great diversity among the gifted adult population. What does a gifted adult look like? Unfortunately, for many gifted adults, it looks like somebody else.”
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