How others react to procociousness

That sort of reaction [in the title] is not so unusual for exceptional, gifted and talented children and adults.

“I got that whole precocious thing [as a child]. I had no reason to doubt my own abilities or not share my opinion. The adults were offended, and the kids were resentful. I was persona non grata in both camps for quite a while.”

Diane Lane… [Lifetime mag. Oct 2003] The image is Lane on a 1979 Time mag. cover: “Hollywood Whiz Kids”

Many other gifted and talented people are drawn to arts and entertainment [see the list: gifted / talented arts celebrities] – and other fields, of course – and have had similar experiences as children.

“I was, like, forty at birth. When I wasn’t even a year old, I spoke, I was potty trained, I walked and talked. That was it. Then I started school and drove everybody crazy because they realized I had popped out as an adult. I had adult questions and wanted adult answers.” Sharon Stone [imdb.com]

Being exceptional can cause others to react in a variety of ways, in childhood and throughout life – some ways that are supportive, but others that can discourage or discount one’s talents.

Help for families of gifted kids

Deborah L. Ruf, Ph.D. founded Educational Options to “help the families of gifted children, particularly highly and profoundly gifted children, to know where to begin their search for answers related to gifted issues.”

In her article “If You’re So Smart, Why Do You Need Counseling?” she notes, “The degree to which the individuals are different from the expected norm affects the way significant people (e.g., parents, teachers, age-mates) in the highly gifted people’s environments react to them.

Is it OK to recognize our giftedness?

“In other words, it is the gifted child’s perception of the acceptance, approval, or rejection that leads to the social and emotional adjustment.

She quotes a 45-year old woman:

“Some saw me as a person with rare insight, others thought I was crazy. It was very hard to see it clearly. I was often confused by the variety of responses… Seeing a list of characteristics made it very clear that I was probably in the gifted range, yet it was hard to accept.

“It feels like I am boasting, or somehow trying to claim something I have not earned. There is something bad about claiming to be smart, it is arrogant and boastful… somehow there is an idea that there is something wrong to see yourself as anything more than average.”

In another article, Social & Emotional Issues: What Gifted Adults Say About Their Childhoods, Dr. Ruf quotes a woman who became an attorney:

“I was aware of being the smartest person in the class in first grade, but even then I suspected that I was not really bright but that the others were very slow… I often thought that I was really stupid because I couldn’t understand why teachers taught things that I thought were obvious… It never occurred to me that I felt different because I was ahead of them intellectually.”

Trying to recapture early support

Even supposedly positive reactions may be challenging, even self-limiting.

In her article Social & Emotional Needs of the Gifted, Adults and Children, Dr. Ruf says, “An intellectually gifted child begins life receiving feedback that she is a surprising delight to her family. She receives positive feedback for her speech and vocabulary and for how quickly she figures things out and learns to do things.

“I believe many gifted people spend much of their remaining life trying to recreate this positive feedback and wondering what they are doing wrong.”

Deborah L. Ruf, Ph.D. is author of Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind

But many other gifted and talented people learn how to accomodate to being exceptional, and gain satisfaction and accomplishment in their lives.

For example Diane Lane, who has achieved many acting awards and nominations.

[This is a photo from her film Under the Tuscan Sun, from the page early life.]
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growing up exceptional, identifying gifted children, raising gifted kids, gifted adults characteristics

06.18.07   |  
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