Ashley Judd commented in a 2006 interview about dealing with her challenging early life: “I try to remind myself that if I engage in perfectionism, I am abusing myself.”

That comment is especially poignant with the release of her new memoir, in which she reveals being sexually abused. In this video from the Today Show, she talks about her challenging family history.

In her memoir Ashley Judd writes, “I am happy to say that each of us has embarked on a personal process of healing, and my family is healthier than it has ever been.

“We have come far. In our individual and collective recoveries, we have learned that mental illness and addiction are family diseases, spanning and affecting generations.

“There are robust strains of each on both sides of my family — manifested in just about everything from depression, suicide, alcoholism, and compulsive gambling to incest and suspected murder — and these conditions have shaped my parents’ stories (even if some of the events did not happen directly to them) as well as my sister’s and my own.

“Fortunately, along with the dysfunction is a legacy of love, resiliency, creativity, and faith in a family whose roots I can trace back at least eight generations in the mountains of Kentucky and about 350 years in America.”

From Ashley Judd details ‘bitter and sweet’ in memoir – MSNBC story with this video and book excerpt.

Her book is All That Is Bitter & Sweet: A Memoir

Compensating for chaos

Ashley Judd revealed in an earlier magazine interview [Glamour, August 2006] that she participated in a 47-day treatment program to overcome lifelong emotional problems including depression, isolation and co-dependent relationships.

“I needed help,” Judd says. “I was in so much pain.”

With a “chaotic” and “dysfunctional” childhood, Judd says she compensated by becoming a “hyper-vigilant child” who was faultless in every way.

She attended 13 schools in 12 years and alternately lived with her mother, Grammy-winning country singer/songwriter Naomi Judd; her father, Michael Ciminella; and her grandparents.

“Supposedly, my sister (Wynonna, also a Grammy winner) was the ‘messed-up’ one, and I was the ‘perfect’ one.”

Getting validation

During a family visit to Shades of Hope Treatment Center in Buffalo Gap, Texas, where Wynonna, 42, was being treated for food addiction, the De-Lovely and Come Early Morning actress was approached by counselors about treatment after emotional problems became apparent.

“They said, ‘No one ever does an intervention on people like you. You look too good. You’re too smart and together. But you (and Wynonna) come from the same family, so you come from the same wound.’ No one had validated my pain before,” Judd says.

Letting go of perfectionism

Judd learned that she was using sleep to deal with uncomfortable feelings and that her habit of wiping down plastic surfaces on planes and hotels was all about control. “Now I try to remind myself that if I engage in perfectionism, I am abusing myself.”

The effects of her treatment are profound, she says, and has improved her friendships and her marriage to race car driver Dario Franchitti.

“I was unhappy, and now I’m happy. Now, even when I’m having a rough day, it’s better than my best day before treatment.”

[Quotes from USA Today usatoday.com article by Karen Thomas, 7/4/2006]
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Ashley Judd, dealing with perfectionism, treating depression, sexual abuse and therapy, addiction therapy

By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC

I’ve been thinking about varieties of perfectionism since having a discussion with a gifted trauma survivor. It became clear that some of their perfectionism was an expression of giftedness and some was related to family of origin issues. Same outcome, different sources.

Does the source of perfectionism matter?

I think it does. By understanding the differences we can clarify what can be embraced and managed, and what can be healed. Different sources, different strategies.

Much has been written about perfectionism and its relationship with giftedness. The gifted person is driven to express their interests and pursuits.

Perfectionism is about passion, energy, and focus. The person may feel exhausted, tortured and frustrated, but the process can be interesting and rewarding, too.

If their creative endeavor falls short, the gifted person pushes onward to get as close as they can to what they envision.

Perfectionism is connected to developmental potential and entelechy.

It is the determination to be the best one can be.

This type of perfectionism is rooted internally in giftedness.

It is intrinsic. It moves from the “inside out”.

Another type of perfectionism is rooted in having an impaired parent (or two).

This type of perfectionism is a response to outside circumstances. It is a consequence of abandonment and neglect.

Its source is external. This perfectionism is an adaptation. It moves from the “outside in”.

> Continued in her article Perfectionism: From the inside out or the outside in?

> Also see more Perfectionism articles and Perfectionism books.

Mia Wasikowska earned acclaim for her intense performance in the HBO series “In Treatment.”

She plays the title role in the new “Alice in Wonderland,” and notes that at age 20 she is still fairly new to acting:

“I was at dance school doing about 35 hours practice a week until I was 14. Then ballet started to grate – the whole idea of trying to attain perfection started to ruin the experience, so I decided to try another type of performance.”

From article Mia Wasikowska: My adventures in Tim Burton’s Wonderland.

Excellence can be fueled by perfectionism

Linda Kreger Silverman, PhD, Director of the Gifted Development Center, says “Excellence is the hard-won prize of those whose zeal and dedication are fueled by the drive to attain perfection, as they envision it.”

But that drive can affect others – as well as those who experience it.

Director Jane Campion said about working with Nicole Kidman [see profile]: “She can be quite murderously challenging in her perfectionism. Take Twenty: ‘Are you sure that’s good enough?’ We’re going, [wearily] ‘Yeah.’ ”

A vice and an asset

Emmy Rossum says that for her, being prepared for a role is crucial: “It’s not about control but perfectionism – my biggest vice and one of my biggest assets.” [photo from "The Phantom of the Opera"]

That is a perspective shared by many other talented people.

Michelle Pfeiffer has commented, “I’m a perfectionist, so I can drive myself mad – and other people, too. At the same time, I think that’s one of the reasons I’m successful. Because I really care about what I do. I really want it to be right, and I want it to be good, and I don’t quit until I have to.”

A number of talented and accomplished actors and other creative people are energized – or burdened – by this drive. Jennifer Connelly has admitted, “I am an obsessive-compulsive and a perfectionist. I don’t say it with pride.”

And Bridget Fonda has said, “I’m afraid of making a mistake. I’m pretty neurotic about it.”

“No, I’m a greatist.”

It’s also a matter of how you think of it.

Director James Cameron refutes being labeled as a perfectionist: “No, I’m a greatist. I only want to do it until it’s great.”

But a drive to be perfect can be an obsessive emotional force that helps fuel insecurity and dissatisfaction with your work, and undermines healthy self esteem.

Jane Fonda – in her memoir My Life So Far – admits to suffering from a destructive aspect: “Because I believed that to be loved I had to be perfect, I moved ‘out of myself’ – my body – early on and have spent much of my life searching to come home… to be embodied.”

So it’s a matter of balance, of using this need to “make it great” to refine yourself, your talents and your work, without being overwhelmed or undermined by it.

> Related pages:
Perfectionism
Perfectionism articles
Perfectionism articles & books
Article: Perfectionism – by Douglas Eby

Related book: When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough: Strategies for Coping With Perfectionism, by Martin M. Antony, Ph.D and Richard P. Swinson, MD.

Here is a podcast interview with Dr. Antony [source page] by Deborah Harper, President of Psychjourney.
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dealing with perfectionism, perfectionism books, being a perfectionist, Mia Wasikowska, Nicole Kidman, Emmy Rossum, James Cameron

The image is food critic Anton Ego from the movie Ratatouille [video clip].

I was reminded of the stuffy and dour character while reading Laura Berman Fortgang’s The Little Book on Meaning , and her reference below to “high analytical ability.. often black-and-white thinkers.. Quick to decide what is good and what is bad..”

I know I sometimes limit my appreciation of nuances and grays on account of that tendency.

Here is the excerpt by Fortgang :

We are all faced with choices… Do we allow ourselves to be fear-minded, anxiety driven, scarcity-minded? Do we allow anger, hurt, and resentment to rule our minds? Do we dig ourselves deep into a trench and fight all the time causing ourselves great stress, even for a “good” cause like a paycheck?

Do we linger in the glory of our discontent? Any of these mental states involve a choice on our part. It’s not simple to make the choice, unfortunately – there may be work needed in therapy to unravel the root beliefs – but it is absolutely possible to free ourselves from fearful and angry thoughts to embrace thoughts that nurture love and connection.

What’s interesting is that some of the smartest people with the most developed minds suffer the most at the hand of their own high analytical ability when it comes to having happiness and meaning in their life.

These often black-and-white thinkers, who see very little that is gray or colorful, are highly and quickly decisive but who can also easily miss joy in the way they process.

Quick to decide what is good and what is bad, little room is left for mystery and discovery and some of the other elements that slow us down long enough to feel meaning.

barriers to personal growth and development, emotional intelligence, intellect and ego

Three types of perfectionists

In his article on the subject, Benedict Carey of The New York Times explores how there are, in fact, problems resulting from some kinds of striving for perfection.

He writes, “Some researchers divide perfectionists into three types, based on answers to standardized questionnaires: Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression; outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships; and those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them, a risk factor for suicidal thinking and eating disorders.”

Some perfectionism is natural

Carey quotes Gordon L. Flett, a psychology professor at York University: “It’s natural for people to want to be perfect in a few things, say in their job – being a good editor or surgeon depends on not making mistakes. It’s when it generalizes to other areas of life, home life, appearance, hobbies, that you begin to see real problems.”

Cultural reinforcement

The article continues, “Unlike people given psychiatric labels, however, perfectionists neither battle stigma nor consider themselves to be somehow dysfunctional. On the contrary, said Alice Provost, an employee assistance counselor at the University of California, Davis, who recently ran group therapy for staff members struggling with perfectionist impulses. ‘They’re very proud of it,’ she said. ‘And the culture highly values and reinforces their attitudes.’”

Continued in Unhappy? Self-Critical? Maybe You’re Just a Perfectionist, By Benedict Carey.

Image from book: Perfecting Ourselves To Death: The Pursuit Of Excellence And The Perils Of Perfectionism, by Richard Winter.
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perfectionism and giftedness, perfectionist books, dealing with perfectionism, stiving for excellence

“He is a relentless perfectionist who never allows a single detail to go by without notice. Jerry Bruckheimer [right] is a consummate filmmaker.. because you know that you are always going to get 120% from Jerry on anything that he does. I don’t think it is any great mystery that he has been so successful: He works harder than anybody else.”

Walt Disney Studios chairman Richard Cook. [Hollywood Reporter, Nov. 17, 2003]

Psychologist Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D. declares that “Perfectionism has taken a bum rap. Were it not for perfectionism, we would be in short supply of all those myriad human activities we deem extraordinary, excellent, outstanding or great in quality.”

From his article In Praise of Perfectionism

But perfectionism – often a virtue in the pursuit of excellence and mastery – may also have a dark side, enabling unhealthy obsession or impeding spontaneous imagination or creative play, among other harms.

Here are a couple of related articles:
Addiction to Perfection – by Dr. Margaret Paul
Perfectionism – by Douglas Eby
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perfectionism and giftedness, dealing with perfectionism, srtiving for excellence, gifted adults characteristics