By Mariana Ashley

Bill Bradley, retired NBA player, US Senator, and US presidential candidate, said “Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in.”

Any high-ability student knows the truth of this quote, as they have likely received accolades, awards, and praise for their efforts and ambitions.

But these students also know the darker side of ambition, the side known only by the few who walk that path and have seen its thorns and shadows.

The truth is that ambition, and the skill that it takes to pursue that ambition, often leaves people lonely, excluded, and alienated from everyday events.

> Continued: The Emotional Cost of High Ability in Young Adults, By Mariana Ashley

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Video: You think you’re so smart.

A number of movies include gifted and talented characters, and depict a variety of characteristics that are positive and relate to exceptional abilities, but also can generate not so positive reactions – such as “You think you’re so smart,” or, “You’re too verbal… too bossy… too nerdy… too sensitive.”

And, of course, we may still experience some of those reactions as adults.

Movie clips in this video include Matilda (1996, with Mara Wilson, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman); Phoebe in Wonderland (2008, Elle Fanning, Patricia Clarkson); Little Man Tate (1991, directed by and starring Jodie Foster, with Dianne Wiest, Adam Hann-Byrd);  Akeelah and the Bee (2006, Keke Palmer, Laurence Fishburne); Bridge to Terabithia (2007, Josh Hutcherson, AnnaSophia Robb, Zooey Deschanel).

Photo: Elle Fanning in Phoebe in Wonderland, from post: Our high sensitivity personality: normalcy, wholeness, acceptance. [She is also outstanding in the newer movie Somewhere, directed by Sofia Coppola.]

Short list of gifted characteristics in video from article What is giftedness all about? – by Linda Kreger Silverman, Ph.D., Gifted Development Center.

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Video: Gifted adults are different from an early age

One clip here is from the movie Nancy Drew, based on the books about the talented girl detective.

Gifted children like Nancy are different and divergent in their thinking, interests, values and behavior.

And many gifted adults still feel wrong or anxious about not fitting in even though being different can be a strength.

In Nancy Drew, the heroine (played with style and grace by Emma Roberts) uses and celebrates her intuitive and intellectual abilities as a teen sleuth, and accepts the fact she is exceptional, and does not fit in with her high school peers mainly concerned with cliques, clothes and boys.

Many gifted children and gifted adults are considered “eccentric.”

[Another clip: Scarlett Johansson and Thora Birch (in glasses) in Ghost World” (2001). The director Terry Zwigoff commented that when he met Johansson, he thought, “OK, she’s 15, but she could easily pass for 30. She’s a very attractive girl, but she’s sort of a weirdo. I like that about her.”

In her article Counseling Gifted Adults A Case Study, counselor Paula Prober writes about Susan, who had known that she was different since she was seven. Her thoughts and feelings had never fit into the box that was comfortable and reassuring for most children.

Her appetite for learning was insatiable. Reading was more nourishing than food. Thinking, analyzing, and synthesizing were better than Barbie. And she worried about everything: poverty, world peace, the loss of the rain forests. It kept her awake at night. To her classmates, she just seemed weird certainly not birthday party material.

The article continues, All of these reactions confused and saddened Susan but no one was explaining to her that she was different because she was gifted: She had a mind running deeper and faster than most.

Like many gifted adults, she rediscovered herself as gifted later in life, but also felt a strong need for emotional help, as Prober writes: “At age 52, Susan came to therapy. Raising her teenaged son, John, had forced her to confront herself. John had been identified as gifted in preschool. Susan started reading about gifted children and was quite surprised to find that she was reading about herself.”

The image (in video) is from the book Gifted Grownups: The Mixed Blessings of Extraordinary Potential, which can help people understand some of the emotional and social aspects of being gifted.

Short list of gifted characteristics from video: Dr. Linda Karges-Bone about gifted children.

Also see Self-tests : giftedness / high ability

List of other films: Hoagies’ Gifted: Movies Featuring Gifted Kids (and Adults!)

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The ‘gifted’ label & the pressure to deliver

In his book “Your Own Worst Enemy..”, psychologist Kenneth W. Christian, PhD delineates some of the most prominent patterns of thinking and behavior he has found that may lead to undermining and underachievement as adults.

“Without explicit demands and support, being labeled ‘bright’ or ‘gifted’ is akin to being conferred an aristocratic lineage — a heritage that exists independently of what you do with it.

“The difference is that the labels ‘bright’ and ‘gifted’ come with implicit demands, and when appropriate explicit demands are lacking, the labels sit there like ticking bombs.

“On the one hand, these labels tell you that merely being bright or talented is enough, but on the other hand, the longer you go being praised for talent alone, the more anxious you become about the time when you will be required to deliver.”

Hanging on to a limiting self-concept

Another aspect is how our identity and self concept informs personal development:

“We can be particularly resistant to change when it threatens to alter what we believe about ourselves. In his 1948 book, The Theory of Self-Consistency, Prescott Lecky argues that people prefer retaining a consistent view of who they are to changing that view, even if the change would be positive.

“As we have seen, the idea of who you are resides at the center of your sense of reality. It is part of the glue that holds your reality together.

“You believe that if you know anything, you know yourself. And you feel you know the way you behave and what is possible for you. …

Choosing new actions

“The problem is not, has never been, and never will be, who you are. The problem is always what you choose to do.”

He describes how “Self Limiting High Potential Persons.. etch enduring pathways over time by repeating their characteristic self-defeating methods… this tendency can evolve into a general self-limiting style…

“Certain actions you have taken habitually have short-circuited your success. Change begins with noticing your ability to choose new actions and then acting.”

[Some of these self-limiting patterns are described on the page Self-limiting.]

Self development – A thrilling odyssey

Christian says “Pulling back from your potential, at the most fundamental level, is a kind of abdication, an abandoment of your own best interests.

“Achieving self-development, on the other hand, is not only life’s central mission — it can also be the most thrilling odyssey there is.”

From the book: Your Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Habit of Adult Underachievement – by Kenneth W. Christian, PhD.

Striving for achievement – an interview with Kenneth Christian, by Douglas Eby.

Video: Break out and Achieve Your Potential

Get free access to Ultimate Success Blueprint training videos by Kenneth W. Christian, Ph.D.

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Lower photo from article: How do beliefs produce “driven,” compulsive behavior, By Morty Lefkoe. – “Why are so many of us “driven” compulsively to seek or do things that frequently aren’t in our own best self-interest?”

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Kenneth Christian, adult underachievement, adult development books, gifted adult development

By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC

Lisbeth Salander is the fictional heroine of Steig Larsson’s trilogy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest.

As the heroine, Lisbeth Salander embodies certain characteristics of giftedness, and these characteristics help her survive terrible, long-term physical, sexual and emotional abuse.

What helps Lisbeth Salander survive her ordeals?

Good problem solving skills mediate trauma.

Lisbeth Salander survives traumas that might lead to addiction or the suicide of a less resilient character. Giftedness contributes to her resiliency by aiding her problem solving, which increases her ability to cope.

> Continued: 3 Things To Learn From The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – A Gifted Trauma Survivor

Brendon Burchard

In their article What Is Brendon Burchard’s Experts Academy?, Drs. Phillip and Jane Mountrose note, “Many gifted individuals have expertise to share and this may include you.

“The issue is how to make your expertise into a profitable business. Experts Academy with Brendon Burchard solves this problem. His goal is to turn you into a generously paid expert.

“As we all know, there are a lot of things we didn’t learn in the classroom. The educational system misses areas that are essential for success in life and in business. And millions of men and women are seeking the help of experts who can take them where they want to be in their personal and professional lives.

“You might imagine that this is where Brendon Burchard’s Experts Academy comes in. Maybe you never thought of yourself as a highly skilled expert before. But your life experience is your expertise.”

From Inner Entrepreneur post Publish your expertise to help other people.

“I still have pretty much the same fears I had as a kid. I’m not sure I’d want to give them up; a lot of these insecurities fuel the movies I make.” Steven Spielberg

There can be many flavors of insecurity, self-criticism, stress and anxiety related to being gifted, talented and creative.

Some experiences, such as a degree of perfectionism, may help refine our talents.

Some anxieties – like an overbearing level of perfectionism – can be crippling.

n an interview about his new book Mastering Creative Anxiety, creativity coach and psychologist Eric Maisel, PhD comments, “First of all, so much is on the line. For someone who’s self-identified as a writer, painter, composer, scientist, inventor, and so on, [their] identity and ego are wrapped up in how well [they create] – and when what we do matters that much, we naturally get anxious.”

Michele Kane, Ed.D., an Associate Professor and the President of the Illinois Association for Gifted Children, gave a presentation on Stress and Anxiety: Helping Gifted Kids Cope – which also has helpful perspectives for us adults.

She points out that stress is universal and experienced by everyone, and that “Being bright, talented, creative, motivated, smart, ambitious, and even good looking can add to the stress in your life.”

“Academic success and drive aren’t enough to make life manageable. The world is too complicated and intense, and it’s changing too fast.”

She notes “There are no easy answers, simple solutions, or quick fixes for managing stress” but says, “You can learn to understand why your life gets oppressive, depressive, stressed or otherwise unhealthy. You can learn to live in a new and better way.”

Here is more from her presentation:

Sources of Stress for Gifted People

SITUATIONAL
conflict between our values and the values of others (what is and what ought to be)
interpersonal disharmony
lack of intellectual stimulation or challenge
challenges beyond our capability to respond
threats to emotional or physical well-being
lack of resources to accomplish a task
time constraints

SELF-IMPOSED
setting excessively high standards for ourselves
fear of failure
fear of success
negative self-talk
emotionally loaded/highly evaluative beliefs about ourselves and our environment
believing that everyone should love, respect, and praise us
buying into others’ negative evaluations of us
catastrophizing
worrying

EXISTENTIAL
global concerns (e.g., nuclear disaster, war, poverty, world hunger, the environment, etc.)
idealism
anger at fate
isolation
need for meaning and purpose

Strategies to Help Gifted Kids with Stress

• Share resources for meditation and visualization; explain the effect on the body
• Explain the biology of stress; determine which how the body sends signals
• Encourage deep breathing and exercise to minimize personal stress
• Supply biographies of notables that were able to resolve personal situations
• Promote experiences in nature as a way to self-soothe

For much more, see the PDF of her presentation: Stress and Anxiety: Helping Gifted Kids Cope – and the site of The Gifted Education Cooperative.

More strategies to relieve stress and anxiety

Eric Maisel notes that in his book Mastering Creative Anxiety, he presents “a menu of twenty-two effective anxiety management tools, enough tools that everyone can find at least one or two that will work well.

“The simplest is to remember to breathe; a few deep cleansing breaths can do wonders for reducing anxiety. The most important anxiety management tool is probably cognitive work, where you change the things you say to yourself, turning anxious thoughts into calmer, more productive thoughts.

“And creating a lifestyle that supports calmness is also very important: if the way you live your life produces a lot of anxiety, that’s a tremendous extra burden on your nervous system.”

Some of my related posts:

Creative Anxiety – So Much On The Line

Managing Creative Anxiety: Change Your Thinking

Sensitive to anxiety

Guided Imagery and Emotional Health

More resources

PureCalm is an herbal remedy I use occasionally for anxiety and irritability

Anxiety Relief Solutions site – a variety of non-drug products, programs

Guided imagery and biofeedback program developed by Doctors Deepak Chopra, Dean Ornish and Andrew Weil: Relaxing Rhythms Guided Training Program

Article: Creative intellect as a marker for genetic predisposition to high anxiety conditions, By Charles Linden – “Our data shows us that anxiety sufferers all share a superior level of creative intellect.”

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Ashley Judd commented in a 2006 interview about dealing with her challenging early life: “I try to remind myself that if I engage in perfectionism, I am abusing myself.”

That comment is especially poignant with the release of her new memoir, in which she reveals being sexually abused. In this video from the Today Show, she talks about her challenging family history.

In her memoir Ashley Judd writes, “I am happy to say that each of us has embarked on a personal process of healing, and my family is healthier than it has ever been.

“We have come far. In our individual and collective recoveries, we have learned that mental illness and addiction are family diseases, spanning and affecting generations.

“There are robust strains of each on both sides of my family — manifested in just about everything from depression, suicide, alcoholism, and compulsive gambling to incest and suspected murder — and these conditions have shaped my parents’ stories (even if some of the events did not happen directly to them) as well as my sister’s and my own.

“Fortunately, along with the dysfunction is a legacy of love, resiliency, creativity, and faith in a family whose roots I can trace back at least eight generations in the mountains of Kentucky and about 350 years in America.”

From Ashley Judd details ‘bitter and sweet’ in memoir – MSNBC story with this video and book excerpt.

Her book is All That Is Bitter & Sweet: A Memoir

Compensating for chaos

Ashley Judd revealed in an earlier magazine interview [Glamour, August 2006] that she participated in a 47-day treatment program to overcome lifelong emotional problems including depression, isolation and co-dependent relationships.

“I needed help,” Judd says. “I was in so much pain.”

With a “chaotic” and “dysfunctional” childhood, Judd says she compensated by becoming a “hyper-vigilant child” who was faultless in every way.

She attended 13 schools in 12 years and alternately lived with her mother, Grammy-winning country singer/songwriter Naomi Judd; her father, Michael Ciminella; and her grandparents.

“Supposedly, my sister (Wynonna, also a Grammy winner) was the ‘messed-up’ one, and I was the ‘perfect’ one.”

Getting validation

During a family visit to Shades of Hope Treatment Center in Buffalo Gap, Texas, where Wynonna, 42, was being treated for food addiction, the De-Lovely and Come Early Morning actress was approached by counselors about treatment after emotional problems became apparent.

“They said, ‘No one ever does an intervention on people like you. You look too good. You’re too smart and together. But you (and Wynonna) come from the same family, so you come from the same wound.’ No one had validated my pain before,” Judd says.

Letting go of perfectionism

Judd learned that she was using sleep to deal with uncomfortable feelings and that her habit of wiping down plastic surfaces on planes and hotels was all about control. “Now I try to remind myself that if I engage in perfectionism, I am abusing myself.”

The effects of her treatment are profound, she says, and has improved her friendships and her marriage to race car driver Dario Franchitti.

“I was unhappy, and now I’m happy. Now, even when I’m having a rough day, it’s better than my best day before treatment.”

[Quotes from USA Today usatoday.com article by Karen Thomas, 7/4/2006]
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Ashley Judd, dealing with perfectionism, treating depression, sexual abuse and therapy, addiction therapy

By Lisa Erickson, MS, LMHC

I’ve been thinking about varieties of perfectionism since having a discussion with a gifted trauma survivor. It became clear that some of their perfectionism was an expression of giftedness and some was related to family of origin issues. Same outcome, different sources.

Does the source of perfectionism matter?

I think it does. By understanding the differences we can clarify what can be embraced and managed, and what can be healed. Different sources, different strategies.

Much has been written about perfectionism and its relationship with giftedness. The gifted person is driven to express their interests and pursuits.

Perfectionism is about passion, energy, and focus. The person may feel exhausted, tortured and frustrated, but the process can be interesting and rewarding, too.

If their creative endeavor falls short, the gifted person pushes onward to get as close as they can to what they envision.

Perfectionism is connected to developmental potential and entelechy.

It is the determination to be the best one can be.

This type of perfectionism is rooted internally in giftedness.

It is intrinsic. It moves from the “inside out”.

Another type of perfectionism is rooted in having an impaired parent (or two).

This type of perfectionism is a response to outside circumstances. It is a consequence of abandonment and neglect.

Its source is external. This perfectionism is an adaptation. It moves from the “outside in”.

> Continued in her article Perfectionism: From the inside out or the outside in?

> Also see more Perfectionism articles and Perfectionism books.

Victoria Cowie

British schoolgirl Victoria Cowie recently scored 162 on the adult admission tests for Mensa, which places her above the scores thought to have been achieved by Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking and Bill Gates.

Her father cites one example showing how uncommon she is: “When she was just three years old we were sitting in a cafe and she turned around and said ‘you can’t feed the swans here’ and we asked her how she knew that. She had read it on the door of the cafe, but the letters were backwards. We knew then that she had something special.”

[From news story Shropshire youngster brighter than Einstein.]

Another article says Cowie, age 11, has commented, ‘It’s quite daunting to be compared to great minds, but it feels good also to be thought of as that clever.

‘I really enjoy puzzles and working things out and I think I’ll go on to study sciences, especially biology, when I’m older. I do theatre workshops and loads of sports like swimming and I really enjoy creative subjects.’

She also plays the piano, cello and saxophone as well as the recorder.

‘My favourite subject is biology and I want to be a vet when I’m older because I love animals and I don’t mind blood and things like that.’

Nicole Kidman

The same news story reports some other notable IQ scores:
Sigmund Freud – 156
Arnold Schwarzenegger – 135
Madonna – 140
Quentin Tarantino – 160
Hillary Clinton – 140
Bill Clinton – 135
Nicole Kidman – 132
[Also see my page: Nicole Kidman - a brief annotated profile.]

Victoria’s mother said, ‘We’ve never pushed her or put pressure on her – we’re definitely not pushy parents. Victoria does what she wants to do and we just give her the option. I just wish she’d tidy her room more.’

From article: More intelligent than Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking… the schoolgirl, 11, with an IQ of 162, By Claire Ellicott, Daily Mail.

I wish the best for Victoria Cowie and other gifted, high ability children and adults, but many authors and researchers warn about serious impediments in the way of expressing their exceptional talents.

Not fulfilling promises of advanced potential

In another British article, Why gifted children are just as likely to fail in life, Colin Fernandez reports that “In one of the most extensive studies carried out, research found that out of 210 gifted children followed into later life, only three per cent were found to fulfil their early promise.

“Professor Joan Freeman, said that of 210 children in her study, ‘maybe only half a dozen might have been what we might consider conventionally successful. At the age of six or seven, the gifted child has potential for amazing things, but many of them are caught in situations where their potentials is handicapped.’

“Professor Freeman tracked the development of children who had exceptional ability in fields such as maths, art or music from 1974 to the present day. Many of those who failed to excel did so because the ‘gifted’ children were treated and in some cases robbed of their childhood, the study found. In some cases pushy parents put the children under too much pressure, or they were separated from their peer group, so they ended up having few friends…”

Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting

The article continues, “Professor Freeman is keen to emphasise that ‘the gifted’ are no more emotionally fragile than anyone else – and may even have ‘greater emotional strength.’

“But she said that ‘being gifted means being better able to deal with things intellectually but not always emotionally.’

“She adds: ‘I want to stress that the gifted are normal people. But they face special challenges, especially unreal expectations, notably being seen as strange and unhappy.

“Others such as parents and teachers, can feel threatened by them and react with put-downs. What they need is acceptance for who they are, appropriate opportunities to develop their potential and reliable moral support.’”

Joan Freeman is Founding President of the European Council for High Ability, and author of the book Gifted Lives: What Happens when Gifted Children Grow Up.

See a link to Joan Freeman’s article “Giftedness in the Long Term” in my post Gifted adult development: Janitor or mathematician – adult achievement, or not.

One story of successful growing-up

Deborah Ruf, PhD an international authority in gifted assessment and guidance for the gifted, writes about some of these challenges in her article about her son: One Profoundly Gifted Kid’s — Now Grown Up — Story.

For example, she writes that “learned underachievement can happen to any child who enters school and spends a considerable amount of time waiting for the other children to learn what she already knows. The gifted child figures out how to use that waiting time, and it’s usually not on academics.

“When the school work does eventually become challenging, the gifted child often suffers greatly because she hasn’t had the opportunity to learn to take mistakes in stride, or how to study effectively, or how to budget her time when it actually requires some attention to what is being presented in school.

“A big problem with all of this is that the schools often don’t address the needs of gifted children until 3rd grade or beyond.”

Deborah Ruf

She also addresses other issues, and concludes, “If we had forced Charlie to fit into school, to stay in classes that weren’t working for him and with people who didn’t ‘get’ him or even like him, he would not have developed the interpersonal skills that led him to friendships, a happy marriage, and a sense of connection and belonging that he clearly has now.

“The best compliment I have ever gotten about Charlie is, ‘He seems so normal!’ And that’s exactly we want for our children, isn’t it?”

Dr. Ruf is co-author of the book Successfully Parenting the Gifted Child and author of Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind.

See the Ruf Estimates of Levels of Gifted Online Assessment on her site.

Also see more articles on Gifted children and teens.

Mia Wasikowska portrayed troubled, suicidal teen gymnast Sophie in the outstanding HBO psychotherapy drama series “In Treatment.”

In an interview, Wasikowska (pronounced vash-i-kov-ska) commented, “As a teenager I was very anxious. I had a lot of energy and passion that I wanted to channel into creative things, and I always felt like I wasn’t achieving enough.”

[From my post Mia Wasikowska on teen anxiety and energy.]

Another familiar example of an intense actor is Russell Crowe. Jodie Foster once commented about him, “He’s terribly talented and an incredibly charming guy, but I think when he gets nervous he gets incredibly serious. He’s a very light, funny guy. He has a little leprechaun side to him. He has that glacier intensity. He is truly intense.”

[From post What do you do with your intensity?]

Psychotherapist Belinda Seiger, PhD, LCSW, addresses intensity and excitability in her article Mindful Intensity. Here is an excerpt :

If you are a person who has heard statements like, “you’re just too much,” “you think too much,” or “you’re too sensitive,” your whole life, this article is for you.

Perhaps you perceived such comments as indicators that something was wrong with you, or you weren’t even sure why people were saying these things to you.

Well, take heart, you are not alone!

It was only recently, that I myself, a therapist specializing in working with gifted, creative and highly capable people had a humorous and enlightening experience of my own.

I was having breakfast with a relatively new friend who is the mother of a highly gifted child; she herself obviously has a great mind.

She is the kind of person who,  when presented with a question or problem to solve, will embark upon finding an answer with immense gusto and fervor, generating such a multitude of possible solutions and resources within a 24 hour period, that it appears that she has been thinking about the issue over many months.

She is incredibly knowledgeable and synthesizes immense amounts and types of information very rapidly.  During our conversation, I reflected on these abilities to her and described her as an “intense” person, and she was surprised.

I was surprised that she was surprised, since it seemed so obvious to me.   We were with another friend who has known me for about fifteen years and, much to my surprise, he said to me, “you know, you’re very intense too. //

Developing greater control of the “volume of intensity” may lead to more relaxed or responsive interactions with friends, family and colleagues.

Continued in article Mindful Intensity, by Belinda Seiger.